When I first woke up on Tuesday I thought it was a goner. I was planning to spend as long as possible in bed. Against all odds (well, maybe not all) I did manage to get out mid-morning to shower and start working on something creative. Not long after all these feelings bubbled to the surface and it was too much. I bailed and went back to bed. I didn't get out again (other than to pee). The next day started to feel the same, and I was sort of okay with that. Then I stumbled on a youtube video by Dottie James. It's called 'Changing My Life In ONE Year - 'Trying Change' Chapter One'. Sometimes seeing other people taking steps forward is enough to make me try too.

I've been feeling very tired the last week and part of that has come from being on an elimination diet - where I've had to remove a lot of my normal foods to sort out gut issues, namely gluten, dairy, refined sugar, and nightshades. During my latest appointment with my nutritionist, she suggested I start a daily routine, and I can tell you that I have NOT succeeded in implementing that so far. Though of course, I want to try... if it's going to help me lead a healthier life then I want to try. I am not a big fan of writing to do lists the night before because I never know how I'm going to feel when I wake up. I still get this feeling of failure when I'm unable to complete things. So I want my plan for every day to be less about what I'm achieving and more about just trying.

I found Dottie's video very inspiring, real and honest. Forcing change is very difficult and perhaps not always the best thing to do... You have to hope to succeed but if you fail along the way then it's okay. Sometimes you've just got to do things in order to make your life the way you want it. I've decided to sort of start my own journey based loosely on Dottie's. I need a change in my life. I'm not sure I even know what I want my life to look like. I just know that this is not it and changes need to be made. All you can do is try your best in everything you do. That's what I'm going to do every day and like Dottie is posting updates on her YouTube channel, I will be posting my own here. 

Cait Rammy